Things you need to know about your parent(s) and yourself

Dealing with our parents doesn't always come easily. In fact it can be a real pain, but if we take a few minutes to think about our relationship with them, our perspective may change and our outlook as well. Here are some pointers that may help us to understand our relationship with them.

a) your parent is a person who has feelings; those feelings can be damaged by the actions/words of others

b) your parent is not perfect; you're going to have to come to that understanding and part of you maturing is to allow for that

c) if asked, your parent will most likely admit that they make mistakes too

d) you are not perfect; you need to know this; even though you are their kid, and it hurts them to admit it, you're a long way from having no faults but they're okay with that and forgive you in advance for your imperfections

e) your parent is an individual; comparisons to others is both illogical and unfair; they are not interested in competing with anyone

f) your parent continues to provide shelter and food and to care for your physical well-being to the best of their capabilities; understand/appreciate this

g) your parent is also there to support you emotionally but they cannot be expected to offer that function if you are bullying and emotionally abusing them; admit it, we're all guilty of that at some point

h) your parents do everything in their power (at considerable personal cost) to ensure that you're in good environments: school, youth group, church; at the end of the day, though, they can only attempt to create positive external influences for you

i) you need to understand that while "man looks at, and judges by, the outward appearance, God sees the heart (personality)" and that your wrong attitude grieves God; good external positive influences aside, you are ultimately responsible for the things that you let influence you on the inside and, try as they may, your parent cannot control that; this is all up to you

j) as a Christian parent, things that grieve God's heart also grieve them; you need to know that your perspective and attitude towards yourself hurts your Creator's heart because, in essence, you're saying that He did a bad job on you; it hurts them deeply to see you being influenced by others to concentrate on outward looks only

k) you alone are responsible to God for your treatment of your parent(s); God cares enough about the subject to have made it an OT law and reiterated His command in the NT; it's not a suggestion or an option: it's an edict, a command; your parent(s) require respect from you; honouring parents is the only command in Scripture that promises long life as a reward

l) when you wrong them, your parent(s) expect and deserve an apology; when you have been unfair to them, your behaviour cannot go unchecked and not be dealt with

m) their relationship with you matters to them; in fact being your parent is one of their highest priorities and God-given honours